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Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember to SELL SELL SELL!

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2020-05-11

Wisdom: If you find yourself being fingered always remember to give up and go home

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2020-05-10

I foresee this year containing a reasonable amount of snakes because of your mom's appetite

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2020-05-10

Wisdom: If you find yourself with an empty fridge always remember to try harder

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2020-05-10

I foresee this day containing 13 whiskey bottles because of the polar vortex

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2020-05-10

I foresee this month containing 4730297812094.4738902709734.9.0 empty paper bags because of reasons...

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2020-05-09

I foresee this half an hour containing ZERO meatballs because of you

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2020-05-09

Wisdom: If you find yourself with dandruff always remember to make tacos

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2020-05-09

I foresee this year containing no sad clowns because of life being the way it is Son.

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2020-05-08

Wisdom: If you find yourself with a banana in your ear always remember block of cheese

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2020-05-08

I foresee this hour containing too many whiskey bottles because of you

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2020-05-07

Wisdom: If you find yourself with a banana in your ear always remember no one loves you Dave

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2020-05-07

I foresee this year containing -1 honey beans because of foam peanuts

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2020-05-07

Wisdom: If you find yourself with an empty fridge always remember reading gay motivational posts online won't make you a better person.

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2020-05-07

Wisdom: If you find yourself listening to a llama scream in the dead of night always remember to give up and go home

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2020-05-06

Wisdom: If you find yourself feeling good about life always remember to give up and go home

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2020-05-06

Wisdom: If you find yourself looking up always remember to make tacos

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2020-05-05

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember to try harder

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2020-05-05

I foresee this day containing TONNES of honey beans because of an old man's hat

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2020-05-04

Wisdom: If you find yourself with an empty fridge always remember no one loves you Dave

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2020-05-04