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I foresee this decade containing 298 papayas because of crispy muffins

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2020-05-04

I foresee this month containing 4083 FATTY-TATTY JELLY-BELLY BITCH-TITS because of foam peanuts

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2020-05-04

Wisdom: If you find yourself 'INSERT EMOTION HERE' always remember reading gay motivational posts online won't make you a better person.

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2020-05-03

I foresee this day containing 298 honey beans because of an old man's hat

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2020-05-03

Wisdom: If you find yourself feeling good about life always remember to make tacos

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2020-05-02

Wisdom: If you find yourself peeing alone always remember reading gay motivational posts online won't make you a better person.

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2020-05-01

I foresee this week containing 279 toilet tigers because of the algorithm that writes these tweets

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2020-05-01

Wisdom: If you find yourself with a banana in your ear always remember reading gay motivational posts online won't make you a better person.

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2020-04-30

Wisdom: If you find yourself with dandruff always remember no one loves you Dave

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2020-04-30

I foresee this half an hour containing no desks because of The Last Jedi being a SHIT movie

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2020-04-30

I foresee this month containing loads of FATTY-TATTY JELLY-BELLY BITCH-TITS because of money doesn't grow on trees

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2020-04-30

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember to make tacos

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2020-04-29

Wisdom: If you find yourself with a banana in your ear always remember no one loves you Dave

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2020-04-29

I foresee this hour containing a few FATTY-TATTY JELLY-BELLY BITCH-TITS because of foam peanuts

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2020-04-29

I foresee this day containing 10983938 SMELLY TURTLE SHITS because of life being the way it is Son.

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2020-04-29

I foresee this week containing 4083 SMELLY TURTLE SHITS because of a surge in online auctions

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2020-04-29

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember to SELL SELL SELL!

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2020-04-28

I foresee this month containing 4730297812094.4738902709734.9.0 honey beans because of a hat that wears a smaller hat as its hat

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2020-04-28

I foresee this half an hour containing 1794461918 underwear models because of pencil cases with mashed potatoes in them

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2020-04-28

Wisdom: If you find yourself listening to a llama scream in the dead of night always remember to realize you suck

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2020-04-27