I don’t know what’s happening here exactly but it’s making me very nervous. Some sort of ceremony appears to be taking place, with Olga & I the main focus of attention. Martha & Joslyn are excited & emotional. I’m beginning to think I should’ve stayed under that rock.

3 41
2018-03-22


After giving me some milk Martha & Joslyn spend the day leading me back to the part of the island I’d made my home. I’m too wretched & miserable to do anything but meekly follow. They chatter away for most of the journey, but I can’t understand a word they’re saying.

4 36
2018-03-18


After nearly a week I’m coaxed out from my rock by the strange but nice ladies. “Martha” & “Joslyn” I’ve decided to call them. They’ve got milk & despite my despair & my desire to die, thirst gets the better of me. How did I become so weak? I can’t even die properly.

5 48
2018-03-17


Master Yoda returned again today but this time as his normal, serious self. I told him about everything that’s happened, how I just came here to die & that I think the Jedi should end. For someone who was a Jedi for hundreds of years he seemed strangely indifferent .

3 40
2018-03-16


I’ve been sitting under this rock for four days & master Yoda’s force ghost has suddenly appeared. Weirdly, he’s behaving the same way I remember him acting the first time I met him, when he was pretending not to be a Jedi master. I can’t imagine why he’s doing that.

15 80
2018-03-15


Perhaps it’s my subconscious trying to stop me thinking about Ben, or maybe it’s because I haven’t had any milk for the last three days, but Han has just appeared in front of me, as he used to look when I first met him.”Great kid, don’t get cocky“, he’s saying.

3 31
2018-03-14


I’m recalling the night I saw darkness in Ben. I’d sensed he would one day bring destruction, pain, death & the end of everything I love. It occurs to me that’s probably happening for real right now! I’m momentarily struggling to remember why I’m not trying to stop it.

12 51
2018-03-13


I ran until I could run no more, then crawled under a rock to die. For the briefest moment of pure instinct I’d contemplated the unthinkable with Ben & failed to fully suppress my sudden urge to murder him. Now I’ve made the same mistake with Kevin. What have I become?

3 39
2018-03-12


I was about to push evil Kevin down the Dark Side hole but the moment passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was once again left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a confused & frightened Porg. “Sorry about that Kevin”, I said.

11 48
2018-03-10


Awkward moment this evening when I bump into “Kevin”, the Porg who sabotaged my milk-addiction support group last week. I was in the middle of my fourth bottle & you should’ve seen the mocking sneer on that guy’s face. Horrible individual, worse than Palpatine.

0 28
2018-03-06


Thinking about Ben yesterday has made me feel depressed, so I’ve been hitting the bottle hard. That poor thing’s massive udders (or whatever you want to call them) must be throbbing considering how much of its wholesome, delicious green stuff I’ve extracted today.

5 32
2018-03-01


Caught myself wondering how my nephew Ben has been getting on. I sincerely hope his new master is treating him better than I did & not felt any uncontrollable urges to kill him in his sleep. I hope he hasn’t murdered too many people now that he’s one of the bad guys.

11 46
2018-02-28


I’ve pretty much spent an entire day just lying here in the grass. Haven’t moved for hours & probably won’t move again until my craving for milk gets the better of me. There’s nothing to do here on this island. All I can do is lie here & breathe. Just breathe...

7 37
2018-02-26


Bored today so had a quick flick through the sacred Jedi texts. Only managed about half an hour, they’re so dull. I still think the Jedi should end but I’ll just leave those books where they are. No need to burn them all to the ground or anything stupid like that.

8 39
2018-02-21


Coming here to die still feels like the right decision. Sure, I did use the Force that time to help me destroy the first planet-obliterating Death Star, but other than stuff like that what difference can a Jedi *really* make? My friends will fare better without me.

12 63
2018-02-18


Someone’s bound to come here looking for help sooner or later so I’ve started mentally rehearsing some witty retorts. Got a real kick out of one idea - refer to lightsabers as “laser-swords”. That one will REALLY make them think old man Jake has lost it!

6 36
2018-02-17


Some local creatures, “Porgs” I think they’re called, keep looking at me with this strange expression. I wonder if they’re thinking “Jake, you’ve got to snap out of this madness & help your friends defeat the First Order”? Cooked one of them for dinner, delicious!

7 34
2018-02-15


Still can’t believe I nearly executed my nephew, what WAS I thinking! No choice now but to hide away & shut myself off from the Force forever. And what more perfect place to do that than the site of an ancient Jedi temple. Gonna pack my things & leave tomorrow.

15 57
2018-02-12