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Wisdom: If you find yourself looking up always remember to realize you suck

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2020-03-12

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember no one loves you Dave

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2020-03-11

I foresee this hour containing 298 snakes because of crispy muffins

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2020-03-11

I foresee this week containing too few underwear models because of microwave popcorn

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2020-03-11

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember to give up and go home

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2020-03-11

Wisdom: If you find yourself with a banana in your ear always remember Burger King is only a bus-ride away

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2020-03-11

I foresee this half an hour containing 279 ASSHOLES because of an old man's hat

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2020-03-11

Wisdom: If you find yourself being fingered always remember to give up and go home

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2020-03-10

Wisdom: If you find yourself listening to a llama scream in the dead of night always remember to SELL SELL SELL!

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2020-03-10

I foresee this year containing 298 pencil erasers because of money doesn't grow on trees

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2020-03-10

Wisdom: If you find yourself with a banana in your ear always remember Burger King is only a bus-ride away

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2020-03-10

I foresee this hour containing a reasonable amount of sad clowns because of the algorithm that writes these tweets

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2020-03-10

I foresee this day containing 1794461918 purple monkeys because of life being the way it is Son.

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2020-03-10

I foresee this year containing 3 meatballs because of microwave popcorn

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2020-03-09

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember Burger King is only a bus-ride away

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2020-03-09

Wisdom: If you find yourself being fingered always remember block of cheese

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2020-03-08

I foresee this decade containing bucket loads of papayas because of the algorithm that writes these tweets

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2020-03-07

I foresee this decade containing ZERO empty paper bags because of money doesn't grow on trees

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2020-03-07

I foresee this day containing 2309 ASSHOLES because of life being the way it is Son.

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2020-03-06

Wisdom: If you find yourself peeing alone always remember to realize you suck

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2020-03-06