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I foresee this half an hour containing 890 whiskey bottles because of your mom's appetite

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2020-02-06

Wisdom: If you find yourself looking up always remember Burger King is only a bus-ride away

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2020-02-06

I foresee this month containing 133 goldfish because of a hole in my neighbor's roof

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2020-02-05

I foresee this season containing bucket loads of cobwebs because of the algorithm that writes these tweets

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2020-02-05

Wisdom: If you find yourself reading through SHIT tweets on Twitter always remember reading gay motivational posts online won't make you a better person.

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2020-02-05

Wisdom: If you find yourself with a banana in your ear always remember to try harder

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2020-02-05

Wisdom: If you find yourself being fingered always remember reading gay motivational posts online won't make you a better person.

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2020-02-05

Wisdom: If you find yourself looking up always remember to try harder

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2020-02-04

Wisdom: If you find yourself looking up always remember to realize you suck

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2020-02-04

I foresee this year containing 10983938 empty paper bags because of someone told me to say this

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2020-02-04

Wisdom: If you find yourself with no friends always remember block of cheese

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2020-02-04

Wisdom: If you find yourself listening to a llama scream in the dead of night always remember Burger King is only a bus-ride away

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2020-02-03

Wisdom: If you find yourself peeing alone always remember Burger King is only a bus-ride away

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2020-02-03

I foresee this year containing eleven spelleng mestakes because of reasons...

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2020-02-03

Wisdom: If you find yourself reading through SHIT tweets on Twitter always remember to give up and go home

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2020-02-02

I foresee this year containing 1794461918 balloons with your face on them because of GLOBAL WARMING

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2020-02-02

I foresee this week containing 4073098130107507 frog haircuts because of The Last Jedi being a SHIT movie

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2020-02-01

I foresee this week containing 78 ASSHOLES because of cha cha dancers

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2020-02-01

Wisdom: If you find yourself peeing alone always remember block of cheese

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2020-02-01

Wisdom: If you find yourself peeing alone always remember to realize you suck

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2020-01-31