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Wisdom: If you find yourself being fingered always remember no one loves you Dave

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2019-11-21

I foresee this week containing too few SMELLY TURTLE SHITS because of The Last Jedi being a SHIT movie

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2019-11-20

I foresee this hour containing bucket loads of snakes because of someone told me to say this

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2019-11-20

I foresee this day containing too few underwear models because of the algorithm that writes these tweets

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2019-11-20

I foresee this decade containing a few bird shits because of you

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2019-11-20

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember to make tacos

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2019-11-20

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember to give up and go home

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2019-11-20

Wisdom: If you find yourself eating a sandwich always remember to realize you suck

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2019-11-20

I foresee this year containing -1 hamburgers because of reasons...

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2019-11-20

I foresee this day containing 1088 honey beans because of pencil cases with mashed potatoes in them

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2019-11-18

Wisdom: If you find yourself with no friends always remember to make tacos

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2019-11-17

I foresee this half an hour containing too many SMELLY TURTLE SHITS because of a hat that wears a smaller hat as its hat

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2019-11-17

Wisdom: If you find yourself with dandruff always remember to give up and go home

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2019-11-16

Wisdom: If you find yourself with dandruff always remember to SELL SELL SELL!

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2019-11-16

Wisdom: If you find yourself with dandruff always remember to make tacos

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2019-11-16

Wisdom: If you find yourself looking up always remember to realize you suck

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2019-11-16

Wisdom: If you find yourself being fingered always remember to give up and go home

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2019-11-15

I foresee this half an hour containing 4073098130107507 balloons with your face on them because of GLOBAL WARMING

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2019-11-15

Wisdom: If you find yourself 'INSERT EMOTION HERE' always remember no one loves you Dave

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2019-11-15

I foresee this day containing 1298 desks because of the polar vortex

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2019-11-14