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Just had a strawberry Pop Tart that was so shitting hot it would have burnt the skin off the roof of my mouth, if I actually had any.
According to medical experts one of the main ways to prevent the spread of coronavirus is to stop touching your face so do as I did and burn the entire thing off in a vat of acid.
What an incredible disguise. I have absolutely no idea which MASSIVE FUCKING BELLEND this could possibly be.
If you want to know how evil I am, I just took a huge shit in the customer toilets in Tesco without buying anything.
I thought I'd celebrate reaching the milestone of gaining 100,000 followers by doing the thing I love most - popping over to see He-Man and reminding him that he really is a complete and utter fucking arsehole.
Why do I have a skullface? Because I once saw 3 mins of Mrs Brown's Boys & had to immediately dunk my head in a vat of acid to try & forget