# handlettering designerd videocall zoom zoombackground zoomfail teamscall jammies microsoftteams quaratinelife imissmyhairdresser eyebrows hotmess fridayvibes funfact procreate ipadlettering datinglife vacuum flirt priorities toilet mayo bailed believeinyou mayoclinic mayonnaise washyourhands hygiene handwashing handhygiene covid19 coronavirus presidentsday2020 presidentsday clown food fooddelivery noshame important chinesetakeout diet ubereats takeout workout gym fatpants treadmill gymmembership goals murder beyourself havefun killer truecrime crime flying trash flightattendant cabincrew crewlife stewardess newyearsresolutions pizza ilovepizza seriousquestion serious creepy pizzadelivery visualdesigner outstanding yoga namaste downwarddog dogyoga creditcard fitnesslevel whyimnotaparent parentingtips favoritechild rooster riseandshine relationshipgoals runners soulmates hopeful introvertproblems anxiety anxietyisreal introvert aprilfool aprilfools fool besilly makememories love fart poop truth awesome dramatic fools mymorninglettering charliebrownchristmas danceskills dancedance

Therapist: and what do we do when we feel like this?
Me: [changes my background]
Therapist: no

🙈🙉🙊

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 3
2020-04-14

“This isn’t really the look I’m going for,” I say, gesturing at my outfit, face, hair, entire body and also the way I’m standing.

🙅🏻‍♀️💇‍♀️😰

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 0
2020-04-03

I clogged the toilet because I’m the shit. - me flirting

💩🔥💩🔥

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 3
2020-03-13

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I bailed on this post this morning.

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 0
2020-03-12

Wash, wash, wash you hands,
Soap will make them clean!
Scrub the germs 'til they fall off,
Germs go down the drain.

🧼🤲🧼🤲🧼

⁠#katieswansondesign

1 3
2020-03-02

👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👨🏾🤡

0 4
2020-02-18

The closet I’ve been to a diet this year is erasing food searches from my browser history.

🥡🥡🥡

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 0
2020-02-10

[breathing heavy and trying to keep up with the girl on the treadmill next to me] “So...what are you doing...after they...revive me?”

🍩🍕🥯🍔🍟🌮

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 1
2020-01-16

me: I swear officer, I can even say the alphabet backwards
cop: not really relevant to this murder investigation but ok

🔪☠️🚓🌈🦄

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 1
2020-01-13

Please remain seated until we’ve reached the gate, then feel free to stand hunched over weirdly sideways for 15 minutes while we do whatever.

💺🐟🙅

⁠#katieswansondesign

1 6
2020-01-08

I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn pizza into breakfast.

🍕🍕🍕

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 4
2020-01-06

Fitness level: Just used a yoga DVD as a coaster for my beer. Namaste.

🧘🏽

⁠#katieswansondesign

0 3
2019-10-18

A good way to get people to stop showing you baby pictures is after each one ask, “Can I keep this?” 👶🏼

https://t.co/0tG792Jp5V

0 0
2019-06-18

Me: can you make sure this diamond ring is in the bottom of her drink? I want it to be a really special moment.
McDonalds employee: ok
https://t.co/PANaB1TVmN

0 0
2019-05-03

Spending an hour studying the party venue map to identify decompressing zones, hiding places and escape routes.

https://t.co/xvCJsuFLzS

0 5
2019-05-02

I’m a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Someday I’m going to be awesome.

https://t.co/GdxOckjIWv

0 0
2019-01-09