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“Open it, open it!” they chanted excitedly.
“All right,” said Pooh, “But if it’s another Gwyneth Paltrow head, I’ll be very disappointed”
“Christopher Robin gave me a balloon for Christmas!” squealed Piglet. “What did you get?”
“A roll of paper wrapped in holly,” said Pooh.
“What did we get him?” asked Piglet.
“A velvetiser and a PS5,” said Pooh.
“He’s taking the piss isn’t he?” said Piglet.
“Yes,” said Pooh.
“Remember when we used to go hunting heffalumps?” said Pooh sadly.
“Or woozles,” said Piglet.
“Shut up and paint,” said Christopher Robin.
“Hello Mr Penguin!” said Piglet. “Do you want to dance?”
“Oh dear, looks like he’s back on the ketamine,” said Eeyore.
After three hours on a log with a naked bear, Piglet was beginning to regret swiping right.
Pooh was devastated to find out his application to Hogwarts had been unsuccessful.
Bump! Bump! Bump! went Pooh’s head on the stairs as he realised Christopher Robin had spiked his honey.