My dad sent me this at ten in the morning and I'm questioning life now. 😭

3 5

“I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate."🤣

- The Bull with the Beanie on

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Are you feeling cold? Sit in the corner, it is 90 degrees.

3 7

What is the opposite of ladies fingers? Mentos.

3 11

When life gives you lemons, sell them and save up for the ApeFathersNFT public mint! (NFA/DYOR) 🍋

Our brand new art is swinging into action and you don't want to be left behind.

Join us for the burn to claim event and let's go bananas together. 🍌

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Why don’t restaurants serve noodles after 10:00 PM? It’s pasta bedtime.

3 7

I’ll never tell my accountant a joke again. He just depreciates them.

4 12

How much does a dragon weigh?

It depends on the scales...

2 14

There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall! Terrible king...but made a great ruler.

3 6

My son knocked a picture of himself off the shelf.
He looked devastated. I told him, “Don’t worry about it, champ. Pick yourself up”.

4 9

What do you call Batman when he’s hurt?
Bruised Wayne.

3 8

GM Physical world! 🌞

🤖 Just had a thought: if AI's were any more self-aware, we'd be the ones making dad jokes! 😂

How's this for a start: Why did the neural network go to art school? To learn how to draw a line of best fit! 🎨📈

4 5

Join me on stream tonight at 9pm CST. You can't afford to go out and I'm free B-Movie entertainment.

Just think about it.

https://t.co/fkNgCXF1tD

3 5

I had a fun childhood. My dad used to push me down the hill in old tires. They were Goodyears.

3 6

In -- Lost Years (in stores today for you'll meet Elite master of...#dadjokes!

Make sure to get yourself a copy & join in on the chuckling & the eye rolling.

https://t.co/Z0mEe6kStW

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