“Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find.”
“We'd like to dedicate this next number to a very special woman. She's a hundred years old, and she weighs over two hundred...tonnes.”
“This enormous woman will devour us all! AHH!”
*Please don’t tell the supervisor I have the flu.*
*I’ve been working with a shattered pelvis for three weeks.*
“Oh no, I’m sweating like Roger Ebert. M-Murphy. Youse, you are a elf, uncontrollably, I think. A wee nam myoho renge kyo.”
“When I started this clown thing, I thought it would be nothing but glory. You know, the glory of being a clown. I tell you, it's hard, tiring work. But when I see the smiles on their little faces, I just know they're getting ready to jab me with something.”
“I'll work from midnight to 8. Come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower. Then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa’s love, then I’m off to the power plant, fresh as a daisy!”
“Uh, how’re we gonna get outta here?”
“We’ll dig our way out!”
“No, no, dig up, stupid.”
*To make good on this drunken boast, Truman authorised the one-time printing of the largest denomination currency ever: A trillion dollar bill.*
"We need some more secret sauce, put this mayonnaise in the sun.”