“Maybe the drawings were a little crude, but all the characters were there: Itchy and Scratchy, Grandpa Simpson, and Krusty the clown.”
"If you watch my show, I will send you this book featuring me in a variety of sexually explicit positions."
“No, not the iodine! Burn the germs off with a torch! Amputate my arm! But not the...ahhh!”
“Then we’ll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive.”
“The Japanese?! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders?! Bosh! Flimshaw!"
“Well, you're probably too young to remember the short lived ‘Itchy & Scratchy and Friends Hour’. They had to come up with some friends. There's Disgruntled Goat, Uncle Ant, Klu Klux Clam...”
“We’d like to dedicate this next number to a very special woman. She's a hundred years old, and she weighs over 200...tonnes.”
“This enormous woman will devour us all!”
“When that pie hit your face, I saw my dreams explode in a burst of cream and crust.”
“Kids, Itchy and Scratchy can’t be here today. But instead, we’ve got the next best thing. It’s the Stingy and Battery show!”