“Maybe the drawings were a little crude, but all the characters were there: Itchy and Scratchy, Grandpa Simpson, and Krusty the clown.”
"If you watch my show, I will send you this book featuring me in a variety of sexually explicit positions."
“No, not the iodine! Burn the germs off with a torch! Amputate my arm! But not the...ahhh!”
“Then we’ll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive.”
“The Japanese?! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders?! Bosh! Flimshaw!"
“Well, you're probably too young to remember the short lived ‘Itchy & Scratchy and Friends Hour’. They had to come up with some friends. There's Disgruntled Goat, Uncle Ant, Klu Klux Clam...”
“We’d like to dedicate this next number to a very special woman. She's a hundred years old, and she weighs over 200...tonnes.”
“This enormous woman will devour us all!”
“Kids, Itchy and Scratchy can’t be here today. But instead, we’ve got the next best thing. It’s the Stingy and Battery show!”
“You’ve clearly taken items from the candy rack and placed them on top of the donut in an attempt to pass them off as sprinkles.”